I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize