he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
