so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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