how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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