I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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