I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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