but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
