Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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