I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
