I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
