...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
