I cut my penus on the lid.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
