I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
