you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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