I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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