I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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