Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize