happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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