you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
