I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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