UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize