Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
