then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
