Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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