I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
