It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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