That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
