Barsexuality is the new black.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
