beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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