I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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