I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
