Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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