i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
