for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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