This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
