Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
