ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
