Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I want her autograph on my taint
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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