Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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