My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
