i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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