How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I looked at my own cervix.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
