Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
