You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
