Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
