Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
