My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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