I'm passing your future prison.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
