New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
