I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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